Auto Pilot

Today I’m feeling an ache in my back that is pretty constant during the day, and at it’s worst when I wake up. My IKEA bed sucks.

I can’t blame it all on my bed though. Yesterday my niece (who I may be taking custody of in the near future) arrived for a two week visit.

We went to a park, visited the Hollywood sign, surprised my husband at work with a Red Bull (I know, amazing right?), ate IN-N-OUT, and watched an Oscar worthy movie (The Chaperone) about an ex-con who chaperones his daughter’s field trip to New Orleans.

Throughout the day I found myself on auto pilot, and auto pilot for me does not produce desirable results. I end up spending and eating more than I should. I suppose I could be nice to myself and not over analyze it, but what makes me feel really good lately, and what I’ve deprived myself of is consistent mindfulness.

So now this aching back is a reminder of what occurs when I’m not consistently mindful, when I’m not taking care of my nutritional, physical and emotional needs. I really wish there was some way to speed this process up so I saw more progress, but my habits, behaviors and thought processes are long, old and deep. It won’t happen just because I want it to.

I have to be willing to never be on auto-pilot, and that kind of sucks.

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