This weekend was accompanied by a repeating soundtrack: Phil Collins – “I Wish it Would Rain”. It seemed appropriate, especially considering that it has been raining the last two days in Southern California as rare as that is. The lyrics themselves do not all apply to my current situation, but wishing I could stand in the rain and feel the Earth’s tears, instead of only my own seemed a welcome thought.
Driving home from work on Friday, after telling some coworkers that I’m considering another job, I felt devastation like I couldn’t believe. It was supposed to be happy news, I’d been waiting for this opportunity for a long time, it all seemed good on paper: Amazing benefits; growth opportunities; paid training; more structure; pension plan; and even a cafeteria plan (that got me excited enough). But, all I felt was grief and loss that hadn’t even happened yet. For all the complaining I’ve done about my workplace, I was realizing that it felt a bit like a second home and as dysfunctional as it can be at times, a second family.
I’m still surprised at how quickly I attach to people, especially with my track record of let-downs, but the people at work? Cream of the crop. Most of them at least, and especially the ones I work with closely. I couldn’t ask for a better team and I love working side-by-side with them. They outwardly appreciate me, and I can feel their sincerity. I don’t become floored very easily, but the people I’ve been working with lately have helped me want to be a better person just by being who they are. It’s a great gift, and I’m not sure if I’m ready to move on from that, at least not yet.
I sometimes wish I could pick all of my favorite people and live on a commune somewhere, growing things naturally, singing songs and braiding each other’s hair. Not really, but I do wish I didn’t ever have to let go of anyone I genuinely cared about, and maybe that is what the tears were for.
Photo Credit: My friend Tina