Some marital statistics in my extended family:
Mom’s side of the family:
Mother: 4th marriage, with a very complicated history.
Aunt 1: Possible 3rd marriage coming soon.
Aunt 2: Possible 4th marriage ending soon.
Uncle 1 (Deceased): Marriage was on the brink of ending before he tragically died.
Uncle 2: Marriage has lasted, though it seems to be very troubled.
Uncle 3: Marriage has lasted through him being convicted of and serving a 5 year prison sentence for sexually abusing my cousin for more than a decade. (This makes me absolutely sick, to think that a woman would stay with a man through that).
Uncle 4: Marriage has lasted, seems healthy.
Uncle 5: Marriage has lasted, seems very healthy and you can tell how much they love each other.
Uncle 6: He’s on his 4th or 5th marriage. I can’t keep track. One of his marriages wasn’t technically on the “books” because it was a polygamist wedding.
Me: I’m on my 2nd marriage, and every other day I feel a flight or fight need to bolt. My first marriage ended largely because I left the church, among other things like being too young, naive, and quick to make such a huge life decision.
Sister 1: She’s not married, but has been with the same man for 18 years, since they were both in High School.
Sister 2: She’s been married twice, divorced her second husband but has reconciled with him, though they are not married again yet.
Brother 1: He was married, but leaving the church, among other concerns, led to its dissolution. He is on his 2nd marriage.
Brother 2: He was married one year ago, and they seem very happy.
Yesterday, I read about the effects of children experiencing multiple marriages, and it was confirmed to me that it is extremely detrimental in being able to feel secure in relationships, trust that they will last, and to be able to endure the rough patches. I have also read and heard endless statistics about divorce rates, infidelity by both sexes, and the overall unlikelihood of being in a long-term marriage and feeling happy the entire time. What I choose to do with this information, mixed in with what I’ve personally witnessed and experienced in a marriage setting, remains to be seen.