I spent the entire day cleaning and doing laundry, while my amazingly uncooperative girls complained every step of the way! I should not have put that kind of pressure on myself, but I didn’t want to feel chaos in my house. Happened anyway, and the entire day was mixed with putting out fires, family meetings, mediations, and crying mixed in with brief moments of familial harmony. I won’t do this again. Ever.

The cleaning process does not help my depression or anxiety, it only exacerbates it by having to experience the mundane, never seeing real progress because everything immediately gets messed up again, and yet if it doesn’t get done, feeling like the house is caving in on me.

I wish there was a more consistent way of keeping the place clean without being a military drill sergeant, but I highly doubt it.

Meh.