I think for everyone we initially bond with, there is a sort of honeymoon phase where we see their unique personalities and how they mesh with ours and feel a sense of newness that we have lost with those that have been in our lives for any extended period of time.
We don’t have to let them know our past unless we feel comfortable enough to reveal the tiny pieces that are always, seemingly hard to grasp. At first, they might like that they are getting to know a vulnerable side along with the others (funny, sassy, smart, assertive) but just like a new present is fun to play with for awhile, a new person in our lives might grow tired of us if our uniqueness doesn’t suit them anymore.
It’s a difficult thing to process, because there may have been promise for a solid friendship, but somewhere along the way miscommunication or lack of understanding creates a rift that can’t be crossed, or refuses to be.
I see myself as a rift crosser, and despite my trepidation at the prospect of being hurt, I cannot help if I bond to certain people. It doesn’t happen often for me, but when it does it is impossible to prevent and there is always hope that I will get through those initial stages with someone where there may be conflict, but it gets resolved because both parties are willing.
One of my good friends and I always called ourselves “Ride or Die bitches” because we did get through those stages and built an amazing friendship out of it.
I am not one that gathers 1,000 friends to keep up with on Facebook or randomly texts once in a blue moon. I have categories of friends that range from online and in-person, but I very rarely categorize someone as an acquaintance because if I give a piece of my heart or soul to a friendship, it will require attention and nurturing.
If it can’t be given it’s time to reflect, move on, and possibly leave the door open for another season, because as much as I am inclined to cross a rift, if the other person doesn’t help build the bridge, it becomes impossible and it isn’t my job or my business to try to figure out why someone doesn’t want to throw me some rope.
Most important are those that do care, love and appreciate me for all sides. Reminding myself that they are and have been there helps take the sting away from those that didn’t make the cut.
I don’t need anyone else, because those that stick around know that I am one of the most loyal and caring friends a person could have. If someone misses out on that, it’s not my problem, and I am happy to be at a point where I don’t internalize it to a catastrophic extreme of self-doubt and low self-esteem, as tempting as it feels at times.
I make no apologies for who I am, and if I have to make a sales pitch for you to be my friend, it’s just not worth it.