Sitting in Horrible Feelings

It’s easy to write entries that seem level-headed and rational. I’ve been getting better at them over the course of this blog because I AM becoming healthier and more willing to take care of myself, but having to sit through moments, minutes, or hours of overall just feeling awful despite attempted positive self-talk is extremely difficult.

My first instinct is not to run and snuff them out anymore, so that’s a bonus, but I do feel like if it was an option to go to sleep for a few weeks while my body, mind, and soul processes all of the pain I’m going through, I would gladly take it.

Can’t drink – That will just make me more sad. I’m only a happy drinker when good things are going on in my life, when I feel stable in my relationships, and when I haven’t had a recent blow to my equilibrium.

Can’t eat – It just doesn’t do what it used to for me anymore, and I’m exercising consistently so it’s less tempting to.

Can’t call a friend – There’s only so many times you can complain about the same thing before friends get weary of you, even if they care about you.

My only option is a long bath and temporary sleep, until I wake up in the morning to face the continued detachment of me from my old self, my old friends, and my old life.

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