Masks

At first I hid all things but good
That’s usually how it goes
Wrestled with feeling inadequate
Like I wasn’t doing or being enough

Already felt my entire life
Mirrors were raised without informed consent
My own reflection wasn’t enough
I saw myself through others’ eyes

Too aware of perceived faults
Internal struggles compounded
Knowing the mask would come off
Tension slowly building

Close knit bonds on the brink
The urge to push boundaries already tested
Afraid of fully revealing my cards
Feeling ignored, forgotten

Hardly matters if false
I felt it was true, confirming doubt
My confrontations caused a storm
The best intentions a foreign language

I know I fucked up, I know too well
But somewhere inside I keep hoping
That forgiving and forgetting is really a thing
But since I don’t grant it easily

I doubt I’ll receive it

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