Last Night

We mechanically decided to spend time together
Watched an idiotic episode of “Tim and Eric”
A few skits on SNL
Decided on bed

But not in that way
I took my pills, Melatonin and Lexapro
30 good minutes left in me
No point in not consuming
I’ve come to expect non-events as we lie near each other

Surprisingly you asked to read my poetry
Instead of diddling your phone
I obliged, you said certain words in accents
It wasn’t amusing

My feelings aren’t fodder for parody
Though not intended,
I wanted to rip them away from you

Another confirmation you don’t know me as I want you to
You say it’s not true, you know the deep crevices of my mind
I recall unresolved concerns, patterns from lifetimes ago

We have persisted as if on a swim from coast to new continent
Used all of our resources, food and fuel
Only to find another store, unseen before
To continue on

I ask,

Is this really worth it, to stay together because we’re closest friends that endure one another?

ADD + Mild Asperger’s + Anxiety + Depression

Are we meant to be a case study? How have we come this far?
Cellular needs keeping us together, dependencies unspoken

I’m discontented often with your lack of reading faces
Body language
Signals

I’ve long stopped desiring you
I don’t want to beg
Cry
Prompt

You say you’ll work on it, do whatever is needed
While I imagine an evolution of what we are
Still together, but separate
Acknowledging we did our best
And can’t endure the loss of a friend so vital

Though I wonder what it would be like alone
A tiny speck in the world
Away from my family
No desire to move closer

I write it and feel nothing

My dependencies are engrained as if a malignant tumor

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