Pushing Through

Woke up today
Tested my boundaries
Justified delays
Sat in silence for minutes
In a foggy haze
Brain moving faster
Than my body could muster
Tug of War willing
Surrender, defeat

Pushed through
Stepped on the machine
“30 minutes, that’s all it will take”

Turned the speed up to 2.3
Couldn’t keep the momentum
Seconds like minutes
No escape in the music
Every grueling step a reminder

That I’ve backslid
Regressed
Could’ve been much further
Had I been strong enough
To not surrender

20 minutes managed
Could go no longer
No time left for a leisurely shower
Baby powdered hair
So stylish and suave
Applied deodorant and
Eternity

I wore it as a teenager
Reminds me of her buried
Morphed into something new
A woman with less hope
More reality, wisdom
Than ever wanted or needed

I ache for parts of her
Perfume isn’t enough
I long to feel her drive to
Move and feel alive
It’s all romantic though
She was as sad as I am
In a different way
More naive

But she moved
And ran, rode bicycles
Did step aerobics
Buns of Steel
Ellipticals

But somewhere along the way
She lost her hope
After realizing her dreams
Were fantasy

Come back young girl
Just a piece of you
The part that believes
Anything can be achieved
The part that still hopes
For greener grasses
Where my sadness
Stops creating these prophecies

Move girl, move me
Until we meet again
Buried under layers of tragedy
We will combine fully
Validate innocence lost
And never hide from each other
Again

0 thoughts on “Pushing Through

  1. I apologize for not knowing your name at this point. I took some time to explore your blog and I really love the layout and design. I will further explore your content but I just wanted to let me know I have enjoyed what I have seen and I appreciate your thoughts. Please continue. Your voice is important to others and in my experience, expression and creativity are valuable tools to recovery and self-discovery. It can also be fun and a healthy way to work through frustrations and difficulties. Take care, Brett

    Like

    1. Thank you, I really need this blog. Letting my creativity find its voice again has helped me along in my recovery. And I’m also lifted by the community here and support it provides. Thanks again.

      Like

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