Tearful Release

Today you lay beside me
Always my comfort
You ask how I’m doing
Rub my back slowly

Then lay there in silence
Not sure what to think
“What’s on your mind?”

“Everything all at once”

I relate in many ways
But my mind is on you
Hoping, grasping for touch

That will turn into something
Not prompted or cried for
But spontaneous wanting
You lay there still silent

Soft kisses are nice
But I want more passion
A melting of ice
Around my heart

Only you can do this
Everyone else slipped away
When given the chance
You have stayed, can’t you see?

You’re my everything
Yet you reject me
Whether covertly or not
You don’t see me sexually

The way others do

Maybe that’s my fault
Or maybe it’s yours

Maybe you’re hiding something
Behind the doors of your mind
That I can’t comprehend
And wouldn’t want to

Because if I did, we would be doomed

I say to myself
I’m too dependent on you
Too needy, too vulnerable
It’s a hard place to live

Knowing even if I could
I wouldn’t let you go
You’re the only one for me
In this entire world

Please adore me in the way that I need
Please stop ignoring my pleas for closeness
Best friends we are
But I need so much more

I need the intimacy of past days
The passion and force
of your lips upon mine
as they danced in unison

You taught me once
That embraces were healing
That passion reached new heights
But now, you’re teaching me

It’s all fleeting

That only past thoughts are nice

Like a daydream, a wisp
of what used to be
I could scream, thrash and cry
But it has no affect

Except for you to try in that moment to please me

It’s not the same, don’t you comprehend?
I need your spontaneity
I need your response
to my touch and my breath

If you continue to deny me
I can’t promise results
I can only promise an eventual pulling away

I can’t stay even if you
love me completely
and I love you too
As always, and will

Forever

However,
I cannot pretend
that leaving me hollow
Our love will transcend

Cause it won’t
If you don’t treat my body
as Goddess

It’s what I demand
Even if I don’t feel it
I need you to convince me that it’s true

This must happen
It has to
There’s no other way
Love me tender, and strong

Don’t make me release
In the way I don’t want to
It gives me no peace
I only want you

Not a thought of another
Or a fantasy of others
I want us together
Sharing our pleasure

Don’t push me away
Though I may understand
I’m not easy to deal with

It’s all in your hands

Photo Credit: Gustav Klimt, The Kiss

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