My recent hiatus can be pinned upon the pondering of whether or not anybody really reads my entries, or if most of the likes given are meant as a means to an end of the liker receiving more followers themselves.
I’m certain both scenarios exist, but lean more towards people clicking “like” and passing on by. I’m not saying I blame anyone if they do that, it’s just the nature of social media. Everybody has something to say, and while there may be differing personalities, themes, and combinations of words displayed, we are all here to have a voice and have the capacity to manipulate systems in order for that voice to more likely be heard.
Reflecting on my voice, and that I want to hone its craft, is what has brought me back. In order to be the Purist that I have no clue how to be, I need to work on being okay with the masses not giving a shit about my dreary posts or mediocre poetry.
Maybe if I become comfortable with that, new paths will open up in my everyday life that help me process grief and disappointment more quickly, or maybe it’s all a pipe dream, and I’ve just romanticized recovery from depression and anxiety when I’m not sure it exists.
I could go on for hours about every detail of what has happened in the last few months – like finally obtaining guardianship for both of my nieces, or my chronically homeless sister (their mother) recently entering into the homeless system nearby, going back to school to finally finish my Master’s degree, failing to lose significant weight from diet pills prescribed by my doctor because of an eating disorder flare up that could be labeled a relapse, hemorrhaging financially as my husband and I attempt to manage a household of five while carving away moments to work on our marriage – but I won’t.
All I will say is I’m back, and I’ve missed you.