Final Straw? 

losing pounds,
unwanted baggage
shipping off to neverland

peeling off
these final layers
ready to take my final stand

started broad
now moving in
these final walls keep closing
in on you
I understand
it’s not a feeling you like having,

but you’re in the spotlight now baby,
allowances made before now fading 
_________________________________

No matter the amazingness of fulfillment in other areas, you’ve ignored me too long in this one; sexless marriage even changing before your eyes, you say there’s never been an issue, you’ve always wanted me and still you do, but the minute we moved in together, I should’ve known to shudder at vows.

You stopped touching me as much consumed by duty and my baggage, you adapted and I thanked you especially as it compounded.

Now we have four, and the chores and errands never cease, but amazingly I still crave your touch, even though I’m assured I’ll receive crumbs from a loaf, drops of water from a glass, played over on repeat – I can’t take this when others see me as a sexual being.

I can’t stay out of a sense of duty or adapt in a taboo way, whether hidden or open, which is how it’d be, cause I have no ability to lie, always choosing the ‘policy of truth’.

I could give you more time, you said our talk today was a breakthrough. How? Why? Because I’m dead serious? Because I’m not bluffing this time? Not wailing and crying, waking up in the morning with puffy eyes? Because you’re scared of my anger and resolve?

Why did it take this? And if this is the turnaround for you, I bet it’s fleeting – words don’t change hardwiring.

Self-esteem increasing just changes clarity.

2 thoughts on “Final Straw? 

    1. History, statistics, broken/blended families, illegitimate children, on and on and on… Tell us there are… Everywhere. The goal for me is to live with integrity, and not absolve myself to living a different lifestyle just to appease other difficult things I’m weighing in my mind, though they are critical and not to be taken lightly. After writing this, I did calm down, as my husband was exceptionally emotionally present and understanding and vowed to work harder, brought to my attention small steps that have already been made and assured me he would keep making them. So we will see. At least he’s making an effort and I’m validated. That’s worth so much.

      Liked by 1 person

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