World Suicide Prevention Day

Labeling myself a poet, even now, after I’ve written them for years, sounds strange to me in comparison to other poets; I don’t know how I add up, but I guess that’s not the point of poetry. For me, poetry is a way of coping and communicating in a form that is easiest for me. I can communicate otherwise, I have a full-time job working for causes that I stand behind, I have written numerous papers in my studies, and most of all, I’ve written sagas in my head, or replayed the ones already lived. Perhaps this was the recipe for my poet, and though I dabbled in classes like “Creative Writing” in High School, and wrote a poem here or there in my adolescence, sometimes to a boy I was pining over (I don’t know that much has changed in that sense), my poet really found me when I went through some critical life changes as an adult.

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day, and though I know spreading awareness only goes so far behind a keyboard, I want to express my deep empathy for anyone who struggles with thoughts of self-worth, at any level, and to the point of wanting to harm oneself.

Many have loved ones, friends or family members who have been victims of suicide, often as a result of depression, for whatever reason. Whether it’s clinical, or situational, it doesn’t matter. We live in hard times right now, where we’re being pummeled by bad news and it just keeps coming. It’s difficult to know how to navigate it, sometimes it seems crippling. Suicide doesn’t pick reasons though, and it doesn’t always have an explanation, but there is always help. If we, as human beings, knew that someone was on the verge, on the brink, wouldn’t we drop everything to help that person? I would like to think so, even speaking a kind word, giving a hug, providing a listening ear. I know how much I’ve benefited from people in my life being willing to provide those things to me, and I attempt to do the same.

The poem below was my first in adulthood, and it was tedious to write. It wasn’t natural at all, it felt like I had weights on my fingers as I was trying to put my thoughts to the screen. I didn’t feel suicidal, but I felt hopeless and disconnected from myself, and not sure how to reconcile everything going on inside of me. It’s been such a long journey and it’s still going on, and will continue each moment, and that’s what I’ve learned, most of all – change in oneself or a situation that is difficult does not usually come in some grand entrance. The changes I needed to focus on most were not what was wrong with me, but what was right with me, and I started from there.

That’s how poetry found me, by writing whatever thoughts were inside, as scary as they were to see in front of me, and continue to challenge them with my words in the next poem.

I used to want to have a house with a designated area where I could create art, a potter’s wheel, a kiln, and maybe someday I will, because I think creating is an amazing gift that offers healing in all of its forms, but today, in these past few years, I feel I’ve been made for writing and poetry. What were you made for? It’s important to know you have worth. If you can’t see it, maybe someone else can help you start to. 

If you’re feeling lost today, or any other day, my heart is with you. Please reach out for help if you’re feeling suicidal. We need you here. 

‘Innocence Lost’

written:  July 26, 2011 at 10:53pm

She wants love
I love her not
I hide her in a vault

She comes out
I put her back
Nothing is her fault

Innocence
In Penance Still
For what? Hard to tell…

Buried Deep
Still Buried Deep
Inside a personal hell

No One’s fault
Path of Life
Trying to make sense…

Never solved
Puzzle Still
Air is thick and dense

Mystery
Dice still roll
What happens when they land?

Vulnerable
Life Changes
Deal with the shifting sands

Grieving
Heart grows cold
Things once lost not found

Struggling
Eyes Wide Open
Inside these chains I’ve bound

 

9 thoughts on “World Suicide Prevention Day

  1. I almost killed with this post. I personally know how it feels like you’re in a lane nowhere.

    Am I a hero for battling depression? Or am I a coward for attempting suicide? Neither.
    I am a deceitful, wicked villain. ๐Ÿ˜”๐Ÿ–ค

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      1. Thanks. I feel like I’m hugged virtually by that uplifting words from you. Well I came last month from depression/ anxiety. But so far I am coping and getting back to this blogging and writing thang makes me feel alive and for the love of some people who really knows me. Thank you. I’m smiling now. That post of yours helps a lot here.

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      2. I will be forever grateful for all of my followers and for some people like you who believed I can. Thanks for being a motivator here. It’s my second blog here. I think its about time for me to be back on my track and here I am. Have a good day! ๐Ÿ˜‰

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