Secrets

10/7/17

I want to give reasons why something is wrong
send them into the air even with no response
I could write full chapters on family histories
to validate my mind on my thoughts and theories

I could add human touch to what I’ve been through
paint a picture of why it may mean something to you
but secrets, only those I trust should hear
even as I sit writing, eyes filling with tears

Secrets that have impact on others today
their lives affected in a negative way
the world keeps changing for them day-by-day
hope is given, then taken away

My girls I am constantly worried for
I was raised sheltered in a way they aren’t
their stories from school fill me with horror
compared to me, they’ve been through much more

I want to be a voice, but we’re all at war
It’s tiring me to my very core
at a loss of what to do or say anymore
my resolve seems to be heading out the door

See, I have these thoughts and they run so deep
I have to take medicine to help me sleep
I take pills for depression and anxiety
guess I just told a secret about me

I can’t care anymore what people think
I have all this built up history
that has made me who I am currently
and she’s just trying to keep on pressing

It’s a part of me, but not the whole
It helped me survive the difficult
built up armor, strength, and resolve
to be a voice even if I feel alone

Some want my parts, but not the whole
they don’t know what’s beneath my skin, my soul
maybe it’s too scary to really know
but I can’t keep it hidden, so I won’t.

Emily©

Art: Peter Seminck

4 thoughts on “Secrets

  1. I don’t know what to say to this post… I feel happy as I read your words about self-care, then sad as I read on, then hopeful, then worried. Kind of like you. I love you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Don’t worry, momma. Just gotta be aware and work through things. I did self care by hearing your voice. As always, I just have to take things a day at a time. Sometimes my poetry is in a really sad moment, then I feel better because I’ve written it, and even if I don’t feel better in that moment I am working toward that always. I know you know that. This is my creative outlet and coping mechanism mixed together.

      Like

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