Coasting isn’t the way,
I know its path too well,
when feeling overwhelmed by grief,
whatever kind I choose,
whatever kind bestowed on me,
with blinders on and those I see,
I can’t control the things I can’t,
only the girl I choose to see
in the mirror staring back at me.

It is a choice.
Looking at my reflection,
introspection of where my course is leading,
self-love and forgiveness are a difficult lesson
to someone so used to self-criticism,
the wires were changed,
loud voices were muted,
but now the silent ones remain,
the whispers, the hums, of someone forgotten,
still tell me that things need to be rearranged

I can’t stay in this place,
this perpetual state,
of a lost life before,
that sucks up what is now,
I know the steps I need to take,
I know the whys, the whens, the hows,
I give advice sounding like a sage,
but if I can’t live up to what I know,
accept what I don’t,
still walk in the dark,
on this thin, tight rope,
I can’t always be safe at home,
continue to be afraid of the unknown

I need a safe space inside my mind,
to breathe, slow down, and give it time,
patience and steps taken in stride,
focus on gifts I have inside,
to share with others not just behind,
a keyboard, a phone, or in my job,
I have more to give, mostly love, and it needs to be centered on self.     Emily ©

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7 Comments Add yours

  1. percolatingpoetry says:

    Brilliantly said. We all can take the lessons you offer in this poem. You are right, of course, loving and forgiving oneself are difficult to do sometimes, even though we understand we must do exactly that if we want to move forward in this mortal coil. I am sure this space has been a good place for you to explore these thoughts so, in a way, you’ve already started on that journey. Loving oneself first is the only way we can ever love another. Awesome!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. I learned all of this “mindful” stuff only a few years ago, but I still feel like I’m in the beginning stages of it. It’s how I was able to become a poet, was to give a voice to what was going on in my head and not apologize for what was coming through. It has been crucial in my healing, but I know I have much further to go. Sometimes I feel I’ve overcome one hurdle and am really good at the “loving myself” thing, and then I get gut-punched in some way and have to learn to do it again. Compared to where I was a few years ago, though, I have to say, I’ve come a long, long, way, and for that, I’m grateful. Thank you so much for your kind words. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. percolatingpoetry says:

        You are most welcome. Life is a series of ups and downs and it’s in the in-betweens that we find what is truly important. I think you are on a great path and admire that you have learned to give voice to what is inside and to speak it without filter or apologies. I love your writing 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes, ups and downs that need to be honored for what they are. Sometimes it’s okay to be in a homeostasis just to get through something, I suppose, but take smaller and smaller steps daily to get back to health. It’s so important for our loved ones, those that depend on us. For ourselves, to truly experience all that life has to offer. Difficult, important work. I am so thankful I found this path… and thankful for supportive people like you!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. percolatingpoetry says:

        Yes, very well said. Taking all life gives is and travelling all paths we find ourselves on, help us understand better who we are. Once we have that kind of grasp on ourselves, we can then be who we need to be for those around us! I You are most welcome!!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. expattingpom says:

    Beautiful words! x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much :)!

      Liked by 1 person

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