I journeyed here to hide away
from those I felt misunderstood,
recent, renewed bravery
now I stand in places I once stood
interactions longed for, needed
new outlook and healing balm,
hearts open, peaceful dominion
prospects now for future calm.
Called my dad the other day,
crying couldn’t be controlled,
released decades of words unsaid,
he listened without reproach
I waited ’til the puzzle fit,
investigation almost done,
he didn’t author all my pain,
that burden’s course finished its run.
I used to think of what he owed,
my anger strong, hurt pushed inside,
I spoke to him with distant voice,
entitlement to fill the void;
Why – because he was born gay?
conformed not to society?
mom couldn’t fix him with her love?
dogma took us all as casualties?
I guess we were, but he tried,
as much as circumstance allowed,
now we both mourn the loss of time
unrecoverable yet hope abounds.

Emily Cloward © 2015-2018