Let’s start with now and work our way backwards

A timeline of my life thus far

Some think I should be moving onward

Not thinking so much of the past

But when it haunts your every present

It’s hard to make that last

But, Emily, it’s been played over and over

There’s no point in bringing it up again

The fact is you don’t have to make apologies

For what it is you went through

You don’t have to be sorry for being a sponge

or easy to hurt, and vulnerable

Big girls cry, that’s what Sia says

And she’s the one to know

Covering her eyes, her face with a mask

With such a beautiful voice behind

She suffers in pain, like so many do

Because they can’t see what’s in the mirror

Someone that endured countless pain

Maybe not the third world type

And don’t get me wrong, I feel for them

I wish I could do so much more

And maybe I can, and probably will

But I have a battle to fight on this soil

Cycle breaking, sick cycle breaking

The minutiae never ends

I’ll continue this fight until my last breath

I’ll show my girls what they’re really worth

They won’t get to say how awful they look

Or complain about a roll of fat

Or feel like their worth is in what makeup they wear

They don’t need to feel all of that

Growing up to find a man is lame

I’ve been through all of those silly games

And now I have someone I love,

But it’s nothing like a fairy tale

We teach our girls to be saved by princes

Instead of holding the reins themselves

I’ve given my all to the man I love

and though I won’t give up easily

If I was ever alone,

I would force myself to stay that way

Until I could say

Without a doubt, that I’m of endless worth

So that each slight or nagging pull

To believe the voices in my head

Would be a moot point instead

Today is Recovery, Phase 3, Day 1

My binging, purging days are done

My drinking to numb myself just to cry later

Is all too mundane to think about

It’s time to stop being in love with my sadness

And be in love with myself

Emily C. Poésie © 2015 – 2018

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