I know things about you
I was scared to know,
discovered through means
necessary for my contentment
devastated at the thought of another potential failure,
unsure if the tailspin could be recovered
convinced that it couldn’t,
you said goodbye
unconvinced you could pull me
back to your side,
but I caved,
in my effort to understand,
seeking answers to questions
difficult to ask
when I heard them,
feeling nothing but renewed resolve
to at least know you,
continue talking as two wounded souls
unwilling to give up so easily,
connection formed,
prospects for happiness
should healing continue,
for us both,
in ways differing,
while the same underneath
fear of abandonment,
lack of acceptance,
for who we are at the core;
the filler of addictions,
coping techniques,
attempting destruction
of who we both wish to be
I have no fanciful feelings
that all will be as it should,
just hope for honesty, comfort
found in each other’s arms
exhausted from battles
of previous years,
redemption visualized together,
fear and tears muted,
spending time and effort
to be better than we were;
you and I navigate the other.

Emily Cloward © 2018

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