I give her my card to
buy us groceries,
park my car in glowing heat,
ignition off,
I look around at people
smiling at some
unknown happiness.

In dawning darkness,
succumbing slowly,
I force myself to think,
‘life is beautiful’
in this moment,
my tears tell me
I don’t believe it.

Not sure if I feel
I’m in rock bottom,
seeing what’s in front of me,
what’s left behind part
of the sequence of who I am
and wish to be,
burdened by my
guilt and anger,
pulled to spaces inbetween,
wishing I could
accept my weakness,
be gentle with
the inner me.

Emily C. © 2018