Upped my dose

now when I feel

it’s like an avalanche

building slowly with time

precipitation, density

one fated sound or movement

the unwelcome trigger

revealing what’s buried

underneath

my belly aches

eyes burn

with the manifestations

of all past regrets

losses, tragedies

mingled with remembrance

of when I was strong enough

to be consistent

now I’m consistent with

survival only

feel the blur of reality

as it is for others

I seek a way to

penetrate my inner desires

knowing how many times

I have failed myself

each time brings

feelings of utter betrayal

I seek to purge violently

or numb completely

unaware of the

immediate build

until the next

avalanche decides to burst.

Emily C. Poésie © 2019
Pixabay / Stux