I have an abundance to be grateful for
while also having to face my demons
no matter my progress
I still feel the emptiness
the nagging anger
the venom I speak
all in an effort to
cloak my vulnerability.

I am not always a snake
yet I look in the mirror
wonder why I say the words I say
an armored exterior
prickly and guarded
hides the fear and sadness
I don’t wish to reveal.

I haven’t written
afraid of my words
annoyed by their sameness
weary of the cycle
just wish I could choose
to be happy in chaos
to thrive on the pain
make better choices.

I thrive on survival
my main defense
against those who don’t know me
can’t see my intentions
if they do
it’s usually too much to bare
this raw energy
alarming and scary.

There are those who love me
it breaks my heart
that I ever tested them
a default action
based on lies
past events
I sometimes cannot even remember.

I will take this in stride
not hope for the normal
because it won’t ever happen
when it’s not meant to
embrace the uniqueness
the human condition
be open to love
despite all the questions.

Emily C. Poésie © 2019