If my thoughts were unleashed I would mourn my daughter growing up, not needing me as much, finding love and creating her own patterns and rituals, wanting to hide photos of when she was younger because she’s embarrassed of how she looked, and it doesn’t matter that I see an angel, she sees something else. My identity is too wrapped up with hers, I need to find my own path again, always with an open invite for her to rejoin me.
I would also explore my growing affection for a man who makes me feel heard and calm. I’m afraid to jump in, just as I suspect he is. It’s like we both perceive each other’s walls, act out sometimes to make them known, then simmer enough to talk them through. He’s an artist and inspires me with his creativity. He has some deep thoughts that I can relate to. He’s kind and affectionate. I am feeling comfortable in not feeling flash pan romance. I am done with that. I have no time for gaslighting. I need the simmer. I miss him when I’m not with him, and I told him that today despite my fear of expressing it. I survived, and so did he.
Emily C. Poesie © 2019
Photo Credit: Pezibear | Pixabay