The lies I tell myself

I’m a damaged broken husk of myself robotic in my movements most unremembered except the ones that torture an intrusive stain that grows ever larger as I test my fate I can’t get out of bed I’m a fatal disaster if I move it will prove I can make my life better instead I’ll pull…

Dictate

They are back again dreams swirling through my mind like a bad omen an endless maze of buried memories abstract and nauseating a hangover of doubt I am feeling today agitation and malaise consuming me why can’t I be who I wish to be? why do I spin on this endless wheel? others seem to…

Illusion

I’m not proud of myself for becoming like them;addicted to tiny blips of self-gratification,vacant validation.I have lamented my losses,burned countless bridges,all for the sake of self-protection.I wonder if I have it in meto see what someone offers,accept it gratefully. Then I remember.I don’t feel entitled to be a bitch,despite subjection to tinyand massive heartbreaks. Is it so…

The Opportunist

He was her first after a tumultuous marriage where touch had been rare and the newness of feeling desired, now, was welcome. She bathed in the depths of his eyes, locked with hers as they melded together, as if they had always been one. He called her “amazing”. She felt hope that maybe there was…

Burst

Upped my dose now when I feel it’s like an avalanche building slowly with time precipitation, density one fated sound or movement the unwelcome trigger revealing what’s buried underneath my belly aches eyes burn with the manifestations of all past regrets losses, tragedies mingled with remembrance of when I was strong enough to be consistent…

Known

Lost in the moment heart beating rapidly air failing to reach constricted lungs I feel each breath, the sounds of struggling unsure of what I’m suffering from I drive intensely- need my home to hide away from bright sunlight home is where I know the rules and break them when and how I like I…

Not likely

For the first time in months,I allow myself to feel the creeping hopelessness of my current state Anger and grief for myself while not being able to fully move Quicksand steps in life and dreams, unable to do what must be done to climb out of the well I’ve put myself in I’ve allowed myself…

Justify

Opening her oldest wounds feelings of uncertainty always looming seeking confirmation of another leaving so she doesn’t have to take the blame; regardless of her deflecting underneath the pain and anxious worry she knows she is the the one that leaves justified by leavers that made her bleed. Emily C. Poésie © 2019

War

When will I believe he loves me? After each test is passed and new ones created to double check? When will I believe I love me? After doubt is a distant memory and the urge to self-harm is repressed? My war displayed in two living beings. Mirrored, dueling flames. Emily C. Poésie © 2019 Image:…

Journey

I opened them again the wounds of my past hovering in the present dictating the future as much as I wish I didn’t paint the picture of an abandoned lost girl I suppose I did See me clearly feel my warmth hope for new love that won’t stray at the sign of a scary thought…