Pang

My psychiatrist tells me I am progressing, taking the necessary steps toward healing but I can’t find a therapist who will listen to all the unpacking I need to purge the system is flooded and all I can hope for is an outsourced counseling student who is earning her hours when what I really need…

Dictate

They are back again dreams swirling through my mind like a bad omen an endless maze of buried memories abstract and nauseating a hangover of doubt I am feeling today agitation and malaise consuming me why can’t I be who I wish to be? why do I spin on this endless wheel? others seem to…

Burst

Upped my dose now when I feel it’s like an avalanche building slowly with time precipitation, density one fated sound or movement the unwelcome trigger revealing what’s buried underneath my belly aches eyes burn with the manifestations of all past regrets losses, tragedies mingled with remembrance of when I was strong enough to be consistent…

Purge

I’m about to get dark, not in my usual way, with vague comments on my life, dim complexities, I’m about to dive in with why I write with this pen, it’s a theme, a trend, a coping mechanism, but not just that, a replacement of something gruesome and painful, a habit hateful and shameful, hidden…

Mindful

Coasting isn’t the way, I know its path too well, when feeling overwhelmed by grief, whatever kind I choose, whatever kind bestowed on me, with blinders on and those I see, I can’t control the things I can’t, only the girl I choose to see in the mirror staring back at me. It is a…

Final Straw? 

losing pounds, unwanted baggage shipping off to neverland peeling off these final layers ready to take my final stand started broad now moving in these final walls keep closing in on you I understand it’s not a feeling you like having, but you’re in the spotlight now baby, allowances made before now fading  _________________________________ No…

Comedienne

I feel like crying ’til a drought is claimed every pound I’m losing feels like naked truth every fear I’m feeling seeping through my skin manifesting clearly on my unveiled face but only in the mirror staring back at me to everyone else I seem convinced so sure of each step, unfaltering will no sign…

False

Not sure if I agree, though I absolutely understand the tendency to feel isolated and alone while struggling daily with mental health. A shift in focus may be needed to reflect on our unique experiences and shaping that make us who we are – more relatable, more human, and more able to help and support…

Caretaker

People say you have to love yourself before you can love another well, they just eat up memes like sugary sap they haven’t had to care about those who stopped caring for themselves decades ago whose self-proclaimed accomplishments were baring children who struggle daily with their identity in a constant battle for self-assurance I should…

Dear Me

Wrenches, cogs, oil spills triggers, hurdles, mine fields barriers, keep spinning that wheel keep feeling those feelings, shouldering those burdens, having those meetings, interventions, voicing of opinions, and confrontations, It’s all necessary – don’t apologize, unless malicious, which you aren’t they don’t know your heart like I do they don’t know your heart like these…