Pang

My psychiatrist tells me I am progressing, taking the necessary steps toward healing but I can’t find a therapist who will listen to all the unpacking I need to purge the system is flooded and all I can hope for is an outsourced counseling student who is earning her hours when what I really need…

Flee

It is the easiest thing to feel the slightest discomfort and want to sabotage, flee all because we are scared to death of true connection, unmuddied by the nuisance of unwarranted conflict we seem to crave the chase, crave those who treat us like shit all for some validation that we can make them love…

Old Songs

I walked into nature alone today and immediately felt the breeze envelop me the sound of the brook babbling trees whistling and whispering to me my phone still had a signal a song came on one I have sung a thousand times before but this time it created a swell of memories I had pushed…

The lies I tell myself

I’m a damaged broken husk of myself robotic in my movements most unremembered except the ones that torture an intrusive stain that grows ever larger as I test my fate I can’t get out of bed I’m a fatal disaster if I move it will prove I can make my life better instead I’ll pull…

Dictate

They are back again dreams swirling through my mind like a bad omen an endless maze of buried memories abstract and nauseating a hangover of doubt I am feeling today agitation and malaise consuming me why can’t I be who I wish to be? why do I spin on this endless wheel? others seem to…

Awaken

I finally realize it is me have no more love to give, receive rewound my tapes and DVDs read all of my anthologies washed my cycles on repeat but blood-red stains can still be seen I may never be ready my heart will close again fully exposed, I start to feel its beat pounding with…

Illusion

I’m not proud of myself for becoming like them;addicted to tiny blips of self-gratification,vacant validation.I have lamented my losses,burned countless bridges,all for the sake of self-protection.I wonder if I have it in meto see what someone offers,accept it gratefully. Then I remember.I don’t feel entitled to be a bitch,despite subjection to tinyand massive heartbreaks. Is it so…

The Opportunist

He was her first after a tumultuous marriage where touch had been rare and the newness of feeling desired, now, was welcome. She bathed in the depths of his eyes, locked with hers as they melded together, as if they had always been one. He called her “amazing”. She felt hope that maybe there was…

Breeze

Wood burning as I feel the breeze serenity washes over me I have no plans nowhere to be just me and the massive raging sea I think of where I used to be how far I’ve come on my journey the future is a mystery here one day the next, just history can’t think of…

Burst

Upped my dose now when I feel it’s like an avalanche building slowly with time precipitation, density one fated sound or movement the unwelcome trigger revealing what’s buried underneath my belly aches eyes burn with the manifestations of all past regrets losses, tragedies mingled with remembrance of when I was strong enough to be consistent…