Tedium

My heartbeat quickens, my head feels light as I attempt to take the steps I’ve been taught are right Get up in the morning, move the body and soul don’t stay in bed  to hear the call of a soft pillow Get my sneakers on head straight to the gym work my body so my…

Questions

I have an abundance to be grateful for while also having to face my demons no matter my progress I still feel the emptiness the nagging anger the venom I speak all in an effort to cloak my vulnerability. I am not always a snake yet I look in the mirror wonder why I say…

Pang

My psychiatrist tells me I am progressing, taking the necessary steps toward healing but I can’t find a therapist who will listen to all the unpacking I need to purge the system is flooded and all I can hope for is an outsourced counseling student who is earning her hours when what I really need…

Old Songs

I walked into nature alone today and immediately felt the breeze envelop me the sound of the brook babbling trees whistling and whispering to me my phone still had a signal a song came on one I have sung a thousand times before but this time it created a swell of memories I had pushed…

The lies I tell myself

I’m a damaged broken husk of myself robotic in my movements most unremembered except the ones that torture an intrusive stain that grows ever larger as I test my fate I can’t get out of bed I’m a fatal disaster if I move it will prove I can make my life better instead I’ll pull…

Dictate

They are back again dreams swirling through my mind like a bad omen an endless maze of buried memories abstract and nauseating a hangover of doubt I am feeling today agitation and malaise consuming me why can’t I be who I wish to be? why do I spin on this endless wheel? others seem to…

Burst

Upped my dose now when I feel it’s like an avalanche building slowly with time precipitation, density one fated sound or movement the unwelcome trigger revealing what’s buried underneath my belly aches eyes burn with the manifestations of all past regrets losses, tragedies mingled with remembrance of when I was strong enough to be consistent…

Known

Lost in the moment heart beating rapidly air failing to reach constricted lungs I feel each breath, the sounds of struggling unsure of what I’m suffering from I drive intensely- need my home to hide away from bright sunlight home is where I know the rules and break them when and how I like I…

Mannequin

Faceless stranger, keep your blur don’t reveal your name don’t let me see your features we’ll be the same Dressed up by others scripted movements made misunderstood by the members of the people’s parade. Emily C. Poésie © 2019

Not likely

For the first time in months,I allow myself to feel the creeping hopelessness of my current state Anger and grief for myself while not being able to fully move Quicksand steps in life and dreams, unable to do what must be done to climb out of the well I’ve put myself in I’ve allowed myself…